Micro Fiction Contest: Spiral-cut ham

Published: Tue, 07/14/26

Updated: Wed, 07/15/26

Hi WriteByNighter,

My writing pal and I chat often about the lit blogs we used to read so voraciously, c. 2011-2013: HTMLGIANT, the Rumpus, The Millions. Which inevitably makes me think about how lively WBN's blog used to be.

You'd never know it by looking at Page 1. Months and months between (half-assed) posts. Zero comments, one comment, zero comments, two comments.

But move to a later page and you'll see that I used to put up several (whole-assed) posts per month, and y'all engaged in cool discussions with each other: 91 comments; 72 comments; 103 comments.

A lot of people write to me asking about community: "What does your group do? When do you have meetings?" And I have to write back and say, "Umm, we're not really a community."

But... shouldn't we be? WriteByNight's motto is "Writing is solitary, but that doesn't mean you should do it alone." That's how we introduce our new book coaching, after all.

When I send one of these emails, more than 1,000 of you open it. That's a pretty healthy community of writers. But other than responding to me one on one, you don't really have a chance to interact.

All this is to say: Let's resurrect WriteByNight's blog!

I'll (try my best to) put some real effort in, and let's see what happens.

I've got the perfect way to start:

MFC: The Spiral Cut Ham

We used to do a thing called the Micro Fiction Club. I'd throw out a phrase, and you'd write a 50-word story that includes the prompt. I'd choose and announce a winner.

So let's start with one of those.

My writing pal, Drew Nellins Smith, released his new novel, Wince (ITNA), last week. I highly recommend it. And not just because my writing pal wrote it. It's fun and funny and as colorful a book as you're likely to read this year.

This morning I opened to a page at random, and the first words I saw were "The spiral-cut ham was alright."

So: Write a 50-word (max) story that includes "The spiral-cut ham was alright." With the hyphen, and with "alright" as one word (no matter how much I despise it), we'll call it five words. So you have 45 words to play with.

Once you have your story or stories, head on over to this page and paste it/them into a comment.

I'll close the post to entries at 11:59 p.m. Eastern on Monday the 20th. Then I'll announce and post the winner in this space.

While you're there, read and comment on a few of your fellow WriteByNighters' entries! Do you like a particular story? Let the writer know!

And mostly, have fun with it. That's the whole point.

Ad Break

You know those random ads on the sidebars of websites? Some of them are unintentionally hilarious. Like this one:

Japan's oldest doctors! Japan's oldest doctors are telling patients that their memory may improve if they... stop eating. I guess the theory is that if you're starving, memory loss takes a back seat.

Obviously you're meant to click to find out exactly what you're supposed to stop eating. I didn't do that. It's more fun this way.

What do you think Japan's oldest doctors are telling their patients to stop eating? And will the patients remember? Why is this sad lady so sad? Lemme know your thoughts.

What Am I Reading? ~~What Am I Writing?~~

It's no secret that I'm a George Saunders fan. That Lincoln in the Bardo is one of my favorite novels. That I love his stories. That it impresses me when he orders toast (that one's for real WBN insiders). That I keep opening sentences with "that" (that one's for real-real insiders).

So when I heard about Saunders's latest novel, Vigil, I was excited. A few of the early reviews made it sound like Bardo-lite, but hey, I was still on board. But then the later reviews made it sound like a terrible Bardo-lite. That, combined with my reticence to buy hardcover, made me decide to wait.

And then Justine gave me her copy of the hardcover, with a bookmark about one-third of the way in denoting the point at which she didn't care to read any more of it.

This is an overlong way of saying I've started Vigil. I've tried to clear my mind of the reviews, but I must admit, I'm struggling a bit to get into it. But stay tuned. Saunders almost always wins in the end.

The word vigil also puts me in mind of what's going on in Biddeford, Maine, right now. Two of my other best writing pals live there, and last night they attended the vigil for Joan Sebastian Guerrero, killed by ICE.

A whole lot of people freaked out and unsubbed when I wrote about the murder of Renée Good. I do not give a fuck.

Abolish ICE.